A friend of mine posted as her status today " is anyone living the life they imagined?" I can honestly say No. That isn't to say that it is all bad. I didn't expect that I would ever get married, and yet I have one of the greatest husbands ever! I didn't expect to still be in school, but what can you do? Education is important. I never expected to be a cancer survivor, especially not before age 30. But I am and I did beat it and that is a wonderful feeling. I never in my life wanted to live in Utah county. I still don't and would leave in a heartbeat if the opportunity arose, which is one great plug for looking into a new job- preferably out of state. :) But I am the proud aunt of 9 beautiful nieces, and 2 handsome nephews, the older sister of 6 siblings. I have great in-laws (with whom I actually get along with ;))
I have a great life. Not the one I always imagined, but overall something better than I could have dreamed. Which the rough patches make even sweeter.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Running in Circles
Do you ever feel like you are just running in circles and getting absolutely nowhere? I do. Boy do I ever lately.
I have a list of things that I want to do, it includes more sewing, cooking and being the kind of wife that I want to be.
I also have a list of things that I have to do.
1. Go to work
2. Go to school
3. Do homework
4. Pretend to sleep
5. Do it all over again.
I feel like I have no time at all for the things I love. I feel disconnected from my life. I have set a course and put myself on autopilot. I am getting so close to graduation, and the only enthusiasm I feel is just to be done. I don't really care if I find a different/ better job in accounting, I don't really like it anymore. Its sad to think that I have wasted all of this time, energy, and money on something I don't really want to do anymore. I keep hearing myself say it will be better when school is over, and it might be. I hope it is.
I know that life is all about making sacrifices for things that you want, and things that you need. But it really seems like a lot of sacrifices for stuff that I don't want, that I don't think have any chance of making me happy.
I feel like a hamster in a wheel, I am running and running to find something wonderful that is constantly out of reach.
I have a list of things that I want to do, it includes more sewing, cooking and being the kind of wife that I want to be.
I also have a list of things that I have to do.
1. Go to work
2. Go to school
3. Do homework
4. Pretend to sleep
5. Do it all over again.
I feel like I have no time at all for the things I love. I feel disconnected from my life. I have set a course and put myself on autopilot. I am getting so close to graduation, and the only enthusiasm I feel is just to be done. I don't really care if I find a different/ better job in accounting, I don't really like it anymore. Its sad to think that I have wasted all of this time, energy, and money on something I don't really want to do anymore. I keep hearing myself say it will be better when school is over, and it might be. I hope it is.
I know that life is all about making sacrifices for things that you want, and things that you need. But it really seems like a lot of sacrifices for stuff that I don't want, that I don't think have any chance of making me happy.
I feel like a hamster in a wheel, I am running and running to find something wonderful that is constantly out of reach.
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