A Walk on the Dark Side

I finally did it. I went to the darker side of life. I .... that's right I colored my hair dark. :D I am super excited about it. I have been wanting to go this dark for a while now and I love the results! I couldn't wait for my schedule to die down enough for a trip to Logan to see my favorite stylist, so i did the unthinkable and used a box! It did turn out great though. I will have some pictures tomorrow.
Can't wait so get the reaction from Jason in the morning, he went to bed with a blonde wife, and woke up with a brunette(ish) one!

Life long imaginings

A friend of mine posted as her status today " is anyone living the life they imagined?" I can honestly say No. That isn't to say that it is all bad. I didn't expect that I would ever get married, and yet I have one of the greatest husbands ever! I didn't expect to still be in school, but what can you do? Education is important. I never expected to be a cancer survivor, especially not before age 30. But I am and I did beat it and that is a wonderful feeling. I never in my life wanted to live in Utah county. I still don't and would leave in a heartbeat if the opportunity arose, which is one great plug for looking into a new job- preferably out of state. :) But I am the proud aunt of 9 beautiful nieces, and 2 handsome nephews, the older sister of 6 siblings. I have great in-laws (with whom I actually get along with ;))

I have a great life. Not the one I always imagined, but overall something better than I could have dreamed. Which the rough patches make even sweeter.

Running in Circles

Do you ever feel like you are just running in circles and getting absolutely nowhere? I do. Boy do I ever lately.
I have a list of things that I want to do, it includes more sewing, cooking and being the kind of wife that I want to be.
I also have a list of things that I have to do.
1. Go to work
2. Go to school
3. Do homework
4. Pretend to sleep
5. Do it all over again.

I feel like I have no time at all for the things I love. I feel disconnected from my life. I have set a course and put myself on autopilot. I am getting so close to graduation, and the only enthusiasm I feel is just to be done. I don't really care if I find a different/ better job in accounting, I don't really like it anymore. Its sad to think that I have wasted all of this time, energy, and money on something I don't really want to do anymore. I keep hearing myself say it will be better when school is over, and it might be. I hope it is.

I know that life is all about making sacrifices for things that you want, and things that you need. But it really seems like a lot of sacrifices for stuff that I don't want, that I don't think have any chance of making me happy.

I feel like a hamster in a wheel, I am running and running to find something wonderful that is constantly out of reach.

News

So it has been a while since I have posted and a lot has happened. Jason and I are both still employed! Hooray! I have started school again and am making good progress at my goal to keep up with everything. Jason is going to start a new shift that will make it possible for him to return to school in the spring. He is planning on attending the MATC to get a certification for Pharmacy tech. I am just happy he is doing school of some sort.

All is well on the health front- my levels have gone back into a normal range, and will stay there for the next little bit as we embark on the journey of familyhood. We got clearance from the dr to start trying for a baby any time, so that is a wonderful development.

On a slightly different note- I am planning on training to become a doula. A doula is a labor support person- someone who is there for the birth, as well as prenatal to get to know you and answer questions you may have. A doula is there for mom, and mom only( well dad too... but not the baby.) Doulas are certified, but they have no medical training and as such they cannot perform the delivery or any other prenatal examinations. They help coach and act as a buffer between the nurses and the family when necessary. They help you maintain control of your birth experience. I am very excited that I am finally getting to do this, as it has been something I have been studying about for a while now. :)

I will have to attend three births as a part of my certification process, so if you know of anyone who is interested in having a doula and will be delivering after November.. let me know!

As always things are crazy at our house mostly with busy schedules but hey that is where the fun comes in!

More good news

Well, Jason got a job. Yay!! He is going to be working for Henry Schein, though SOS staffing. He will be working as a temp to hire so it isn't completely stable until they pick him up permanent. He starts on Tuesday. We are pretty excited. Things should be a lot better now that we are both employed.

News on the Job Front.....

Brace yourselves... I got a JOB!!! Not just any job, but a good full time, with full benefits and great pay! I am working at Pinnacle Security. That is great but the 5 min commute *literally* is really a bonus. I started this past Wednesday and it is going really well. It is a really laid back atmosphere and there is an on site gym that we can use and a theater that we can reserve for parties!

Awesome Concert

We have been to several Keller House Concerts recently. Tonight was by far one of my favorites. It featured Katie Dellenbach, and Engines of Commotion. Katie is just awesome! Her voice is amazing and she is just fun to listen to. Engines of Commotion is breaking up... sad, but for good reasons. This was their last performance, and it was great! There is a video of one of their songs on Facebook.


I wish that I would have thought to video one of Katie's songs but... I didn't. So you should look her up.

General update

Ok, so it is harder to remember to update my blog when there isn't extremely pertinent information to share!

I am now working for the Census. I am an enumerator.... a fancy word for the person that goes around getting information from the people who didn't send it back. We are working on getting all of the university students before they leave town. I have signed up for summer semester in an effort to make my final two semesters more manageable. I have one class that is only going until the middle of June, and another that goes the whole summer. I am excited. Once they are done, I will only have 23 more credits, or two semesters. YAY!

Jason has been having some good interviews and we are hopeful that something good is on the horizon.


On a side note, my little sister graduated this past weekend with her degree in Paralegal! We are so proud of her!!!

Birthday Fun

I had a good birthday this year. Jason and I went to lunch yesterday at Olive Garden and then went shopping. I then spent the rest of the afternoon sewing! I am finishing projects which is really fun.

Today, we went to dinner with the other Barlows in the area. As you can see the smallest ones get the most attention. :)

Abby is our little 'ham'. She loves making faces for the camera, it is hard to get her to smile 'nicely'; but she is so cute while she does it. :)

We didn't have a cake, but I think that Carter would have destroyed it had there been one...... He is holding a plastic knife... lol.

I also got some awesome presents. I got a great sweater and dress pants, some more lovely Longaberger dishes from my wonderful mother in law, and my Grams got me some ramekins, but I haven't seen them yet. Next weekend... Yay!

Dr Update

Ok, so I went to see the dr last friday. He was very positive about the outcome of my treatments. He said that the whole body scan looked clear, aside from where they knew it was going to uptake, and that is great news! He adjusted my medication a little bit and told me to come back in a few months. I go back in June. All in all, he is pretty sure that we caught it in time and that the likelihood of a recurrence is low, not impossible, but ... yeah.

So things are looking great!

Sew Whatever Class at Dave's Bernina

I recently got my sewing machine fixed, completely! I am not much of a seamstress, straight lines elude me... but it is something that I have always wanted to learn. When I picked up my sewing machine the last time from the shop I noticed that they were having a class. It was for a reversible nursing cover. I thought that sounded easy enough, plus they have a teacher there helping you. Since I would be using my own machine I figured it would be a good way to get used to using it with someone on hand for questions. The class is 10 bucks, plus the cost of your materials; but they provide dinner. I didn't finish in class, but I came home and finished it up and it didn't take me forever!

Here is the end product!





I also recently finished a quilt at the request of my 4 year old niece Rylee.


Here it is......



Overall I am happy with my results! I can only imagine my skills with improve with time. :)

Invaded!

I hate bugs! I hate the way they make my skin feel all creepy crawly when I see them. Our apartment seems to be a favorite of the local ant population. Every year this time all the ants seem to feel the need to make the journey all the way to the THIRD floor of this building to drive people nuts! I can't figure out where they are entering from so that I can douse the spot with ant killer. GRR. Normally I would imagine them being attracted to food, so Jason and I take care to clean up all the crumbs and to seal food so that there isn't anything for them to get into, but they keep coming! They crawl all over the opening of the cereal bags, and I just really don't want to eat it after!

Today alone I have killed about 20 of the blasted things! I have cleaned and bleached the surfaces and nothing stops them! AHHH!

Ok, I feel better now, but man I wish there was a way for me to get rid of them!

New Undertaking

I have decided to try and keep myself busy whilst I am jobless and not going to school. I am offering crochet lessons for anyone wanting to learn. I figure it is a way to share what I love doing and get some cash at the same time. I don't really know how many people out there want to learn, but what the heck! So, if anyone out there reading this blog knows someone who would be interested, I will be happy to accommodate. :) There may also be a friend referral discount. Anyway, ... wish me luck!

Radioactivity

Well the day finally came. I drank 75 micro curies of radioactive iodine today. So far so good, I am not feeling nauseous and no serious discomfort like some people have. So the next step is my whole body scan on monday .... yay!

In the interim, I am working on several projects. I am making a quilt for my niece at her request. It is turning out rather well I have tied over half of it and only have a few rows to go, so I may even finish it tonight. Then I just need to do some practicing on binding so that I can finish it off.
I am also working on a round afghan for the house, and a beautiful shawl for my grams! I have a fairly large selection of movies at my disposal so that will come in handy I guess. :)

I have the cutest husband!

Isnt' he cute?

We went over to the BYU track to see my brother in law run in the Rex Lee 5k Run for a Cure. He was running in my name as a cancer survivor. We hadn't seen the kids for quite a while and they were very excited. Peachy was yelling "Go daddy!" she was just so pumped up.


So Jas is not a fan of this picture he says he looks like a dork. Well my response to that is he always looks like that .... it is part of his charm. He always always makes goofy faces when you want to take a picture, and he does it on purpose. But I think he is so cute!

Radioactivity

Well I finally got a hold of the drs. We are scheduled to do the radioactive iodine treatment on the 24th! In order to get the treatment done in a hurry, since no one would call me back, I will be doing the treatment with the aid of another drug called Thyrogen. Normally I would stop taking my medication to stimulate any remaining tissue to starve it so that it will be ready to take up the iodine. In this case the Thyrogen does the work for me. So I have to go in Monday the 22nd, and have one shot, then Tuesday for another shot and then they will give me a very small amount to see how my body is taking in the iodine. Then they will use that information to calculate the total dosage that they will give me on Wednesday. I will then be in isolate for at least 8 days. Any visits can not be longer than 1 hour and I have to stay at least 6 feet away. So that is the scoop. Oh, and I start the low iodine diet on the 15th- not fun.

What to do now...

Well Jason lost his job yesterday. My unemployment has been great because as long as I am in school I don't have to look for a new job, however, I am withdrawing from classes on the recommendation of the assistant dean of the school of business, who has gone through this whole situation before.

So where does that leave us? Jason is looking for a job very diligently, and I have begun looking here and there. We are trying to get hold of my dr to see if we can move up the iodine treatment so we can do it before the insurance runs out.

Until then....

We are both home all day.... Now I love Jason, but I am not used to having him home all day! Am I horrible for not completely enjoying the 24/7 together time?

Follow up

Well I went to see my surgeon this morning.... and yes I drove myself. :) He took off my steristrips and said that the incision looked fine. He explained that the lymphnode that tested positive had been stuck to my thyroid, an unusual finding. It didn't look enlarged at all, so the Dr was surprised to find that it was cancerous. This being the case it looks like we will be doing the RAI. I don't know when that will be since it wasn't in the original plan. I am waiting to hear from my endo when he gets back from Hawaii on the first.

5 Days Later

I am still alive and doing well. ;) The surgery went well and the Dr was pleased. I was not a fan of the resulting nausea and dizziness, but it is getting better. We got the pathology report back today, and it is a possibility that I will have to do the iodine treatment. But overall that will have to wait until I meet with my endo to know for sure. So there you go.

Surgery Tomorrow

Well it is official. I have to be at the hospital at 8am tomorrow morning. I am happy that we didn't have to postpone the surgery until next week! My surgeon has a funeral that he has to go to, so they had to reschedule all but 1-2 of his procedures. Yay me! I don't think that I could have handled waiting any longer I am just too nervous.

Although I could do with out my back deciding that it wants to protest. My chiropractor says that I have a small tear, or something irritating one of my discs.... so bending is not my strong suit at the moment. But hey, at least after the surgery if it is hurting I will have lots of lovely pain medication to take the edge off. :) Don't I sound like and addict!

For my next post I will be going Thyroidless..... stay tuned!

Happy Sunday

So today has been a really good day. Church was fantastic. We have so many great people in our ward that have been so supportive and kind. Just after church I was introduced to a sister who also had thyroid cancer. I can't even begin to describe how I felt knowing that there was someone close by (with a face) that would really understand how I am feeling and what things are going to be like. My support groups have been so great, but there is something to be said for a good face to face conversation.

Surgery

So I met with the surgeon today up in Salt Lake, and we scheduled my surgery for the 12th. I was really really nervous about going to my appointment today. I was really concerned that I wasn't going to like or be comfortable with the surgeon and that I would have to keep waiting to find someone else. Happily, Dr Anderson is really nice and I was comfortable with him right away. He didn't even mind when I pulled out the three pages of questions that I had typed up. After I asked everything, he even looked over the list to make sure we hadn't missed anything. I will be staying overnight in the hospital for observation, so hopefully all goes well. I will start my hormone replacement therapy that day and then I will follow up with my Endo to get the dosage right. We will know after the surgery and the pathology reports come back whether or not I will have to do the Radioactive Iodine to kill off any other cells remaining.

That's it for now!

The Long Wait is Over

Ok, so today was the day. I went to see the endocrinologist to find out what needs to be happening. He did a thorough checkup and then explained that due to the size of the nodule currently residing in my thyroid, that it would be best treated by removing my thyroid gland entirely. It is approx 1.2-1.4 cm. He recommended a good surgeon who does a lot of thyroid surgery and I have an appointment with the surgeon next week. According to the receptionist I spoke to when I made that appointment, it should only be 1-2 weeks from the time of my consultation that I would get in for surgery. Happily with some minor adjustments to a test on my schedule that will work out fine. Dr Miner also told me that it is possible, depending on how my surgery goes, that I will not have to do the iodine treatment! That would be great for me!

Lost in Austen

On a completely unrelated note, I just watched the funnest movie I have seen in a long time. It is 'Lost in Austen'. I have always loved all the Jane Austen books and most of the movies that have been made. This story is all about how a modern girl is transported back into the lives of the characters that she so loves she actually trades times with Elizabeth. She then proceeds to make a complete muckery of the situation and falls in love with Mr Darcy. It is a miniseries and as such is a bit long, but the three hours is entirely worth it. I highly recommend it.

Change of Plans

So at the last update I was supposed to go in to the oncologist tomorrow. Well, oddly enough Dr Rich called me personally tonight to let me know that he wasn't the 'right' Dr for me to be seeing and that I really need to go to the clinic that deals with primarily thyroid cancer. He canceled my appointment and is going to have his office contact me tomorrow and tell me what I need to do to get an appointment there....

So more waiting...yay!

My reaction

Ok, so now that all the details are out there, I am still trying to process my reaction to this news. I am feeling scared and upset and I am in a state of confusion because I don't really understand how this is going to impact our lives. Jason has been great and such a good support so far.

I think the hardest part of getting a diagnosis like this is that I don't feel sick. I have nothing to connect to. But I am so happy that I have so many good friends and family that are concerned about me.

Thanks!

The beginning

So, as most of you know I have recently been diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer. I will be posting updates and all sorts of information on here so that everyone can know what is going on and I won't have to spend all day on the phone. :)

The first hint of anything was when I went to the dr on a Monday just after the new year because everyone had been sick and I was worried that it would become pneumonia and I didn't want to be sick during the beginning of school. My dr is great, and he was checking my neck and noticed that my thyroid was swollen. He said it was most likely due to a cyst that would go away, but he wanted me to have an ultrasound to see for sure.

Tuesday, I had the ultrasound at 8am.

Wednesday, I called the office, my Dr was out but the nurse told me that the 'cyst' wasn't a cyst at all but that it was a solid nodule.

Thursday, My Dr's nurse called to tell me what the other nurse had told me, and to tell me that my Dr wanted to have a biopsy done. The hospital called me later and we scheduled the biopsy for the following day.

Friday, my dad took me down to the hospital for the biopsy, or fine needle aspiration as they like to call it. That was not as bad as I was anticipating although it was nerve-wracking.

The following Tuesday, the Dr's office called to tell me that the Dr wanted me to schedule an appointment so that he could review with me the results of the biopsy. The next available opening was for Thursday.

Thursday, I went in to the Dr's office and he informed me that it was indeed cancer and that it was a really great thing that we had found it so early. He recommended an oncologist, then he called him so that I could make an appointment.

So I have that appointment on Monday and I will have some more information then.